So today is the big day. The plane will take off from DFW, connect in Atlanta (not Detroit as I told many of you), onto Amsterdam, with a final touch down in Uganda, the "Pearl of Africa." I should arrive at 0'773245 hours (my amazing attempt at military time), also known as 10pm.
The saying "it takes a village to raise child" has seemed very applicable to my own life as I've, or we've rather, prepared for this two month long journey. My intentions didn't set out that way though. Early on I was convinced I could go it alone. I can remember sitting in my backyard many months ago with a dear friend, daydreaming of a day I would return to Africa, and trying desperately to figure out a way to make it happen. Maybe I would sell my car. Maybe I would get a second job. There had to be a way I could earn my way back into Uganda. As time went on, my desperation dwindled along with my hope, and Africa officially became a "back burner" item. After all, it didn't seem likely I would be able to earn enough money to make it to Africa, while keeping things in America under wraps, and there was that whole grad school idea. So I let it go.
And that's when God revived a dream I had decided was improbable, if not impossible. I believe with all my heart that God intended Africa for me all along. So why did my dream have to die to truly take root? I can see in hindsight God was setting the stage to pour out His love with extreme lavishness.
And also I believe He was giving me a precious lesson on His character and intentions toward us, His children.
What I'm about to say is counter cultural in America, but I believe it's very "PC" in God's kingdom, so bear with me. :) God used my failure to earn my way, as a means to provide a gift given by grace. That is the gospel, right? God provided us with a gift, the death and resurrection of Jesus, to provide for what we cannot earn, His favor. As I've recognized this, I can't help but wonder how many gifts I've refused to receive because I was too proud to accept a handout from Him.
Last year in Uganda I was struck by the level of dependency I saw all around me. Honestly, it made me a little mad. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, right? Wrong. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest the bootstrap analogy is not synonymous with God's heart for His children. What I'm learning is that God desires our dependency because it makes room for His work, His glory, and His desire to provide for us. I'm not suggesting we all quit our jobs and wait for a handout. Quite the opposite actually. With great gifts come great responsibility, and when we recognize the gifts God has given us I believe it will be our natural inclination to work hard to excel in the areas God has blessed. In my mind it goes back to realizing that God pursues constantly, our only job is to respond to the ways in which He is calling our heart.
I would like to proclaim with all my heart my gratitude for my failed plans. I didn't earn this opportunity, it was given to me. Through my inability to provide for myself, I was humbled to a place of dependency on Jesus, and also a dependency on you. God has used each of you to confirm, prepare, and make a way for this mission trip. Had I done it by myself I would have missed out on the encouragement, provision, and most importantly, the love God knew I needed in order to see Africa once again. God is faithful, He is trustworthy, and He always has our best interest at heart, even when it hurts. I think I have a new goal in life. Pure dependency.
Love yall! Thanks for everything!
PS- I got into grad school!!!!!!!!!
