My Redeemer

I've been wanting to write this blog post for a couple of days. This post will be long, but I hope it's worth the read!

This week my mind has been busy with worry about a few circumstances before me, so I reluctantly pulled out my bible in an attempt to hear the Lord speak. I only say reluctantly because when I'm truly mulling over something in my mind, it seems impossible to quiet my soul long enough to hear the whispers of the Holy Spirit. Through His help, I fasted through dinner, and sat before Him. He spoke.

Isaiah 54:1-5
"Sing, O barren woman, 
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy, 
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the Lord.


"Enlarge the place of your tent, 
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords, 
strengthen your stakes.
For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities.


"Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame, 
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood [singlehood].


For your Maker is your husband-the Lord Almighty is his name-the Holy One of Israel is you Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.

God used this scripture to dislodge a lie satan planted in my heart long ago. As a child, the devil began to build insecurity in me concerning my weight. Specifically, that a man could never, and would never love me because I was not attractive. As I made my way through adolescence and into adulthood, I believed this lie and it tainted my view of men. I hated men for rejecting me, and yet I so wanted to be accepted that they became an idol in my life. This idolatry has created times of sorrow for me, as I've searched for love in all the wrong places (I'm pretty sure that's a lyric in some sappy country song!). Maybe you can relate. Maybe you have an area in your life that satan has exploited. It's possible he has told you the same lies, that the desires of your heart are impossible because of what you lack. Well, when I cried out to God, confessing my idolatry, and telling Him I had no way out except for Him to save me, He answered.

He reminded me of an experience I had with my new friend Mary last weekend. As I mentioned the last time I wrote, she moved. Here in Uganda there is an extreme emphasis on family. Who you are is who you know. Mary is a single woman. Not only that, her only family lives far from town. In Ugandan culture Mary's circumstance makes her vulnerable, susceptible to a lot of judgement, and therefore, if she allows it, shame. I met up with her to help her move the last of her things Saturday evening. I grabbed a mirror and her pillow and we walked through her neighborhood, everyone staring, which is typical when I go anywhere. I thought nothing of it as we moved, laughing, talking, and finally arriving at her home. After enjoying her company, Mary agreed to walk me home.

As we walked she poured out her heart, and the Lord has used it in a very profound way in my life. She told me that as she moved all day, walking the streets alone, she new people were staring and judging. She knew in her heart they were wondering why she had no family to help her. Where were her brothers, her mother, her father, her uncle or aunt? Why was she forced to walk all of her things to her new home, quite a trek for anyone, and especially with arms full of her belongings. She explained how she continued to move, head held high, but inside burdened by the experience.

And then I came into the picture. In Uganda, muzungo (white people), are kind of like celebrities. We are thought to have lots money, even if we don't, and therefore everyone wants to be friends with a muzungo. Mary explained that when I came beside her, carried her things, and accompanied her through the streets, people suddenly saw her differently. This woman who was judged for being alone the whole day, was now a woman of prestige because I travelled with her. My presence has clarified her worth. I had redeemed her without even knowing it.

In the same way I redeemed Mary that evening, Jesus has redeemed me of my shame. As I prayed that night, the Spirit revealed Isaiah 54, and He told me I am worth abundantly more than anyone can fathom because of who I travel with, the Lord of Lords. He has declared me His bride, and He has taken vows, promising to stand beside me no matter what the circumstance, no matter what I lack. My worth has nothing to do with who I am, but everything to do with whose I am. He has truly redeemed the shame of my youth. I am worthy of a husband and I'm confident if it's God's perfect will, I will be married some day. Married or not, He has promised I will be a mother of many, which is the desire most dear to my heart.



Thanks for listening. I love yall!

Jenna

The Best Day EVER!

Yesterday, Saturday here in Uganda, was the best day EVER! I had SO much fun!!

Justine took me to downtown Kampala where we walked the overcrowded streets for a couple of hours. We were on the hunt for a place I could print some photos off my fancy, shmancy phone. We randomly found a Kodak store and we got the prints. Then, we searched the streets for a place I could buy a house warming gift for my friend Mary. Mary is the one I told you about a couple of weeks ago. She moved yesterday and I thought it would be fun to extend some southern hospitality her way! I got her a nice knife, a set of silverware, a serving spoon, and a couple of pans. We will get back to this later though. :)

So Justine and I laughed the whole day. It was so nice to have a friend to travel with...I felt so special! On a side note, there were several children on the streets, left to beg. This was hard as I wasn't sure how the Lord wanted me to help them. I gave each child a stick of gum as I passed and prayed later for God to take care of them. I hope this doesn't sound cold. It's not that I didn't care about them, but the little money I could offer couldn't save these kids from their lifestyle. I felt a great conviction for the ministry Pastor Dongo has here in Uganda. God is using Him to save children, who otherwise would be left to similar circumstances, and placing them in a loving environment where they will be educated and given a future. I have to confess that my during my time here, in the secret places of my heart, I have been praying for God to open my eyes to the impact Buyumba Orphan Outreach is making on the community. I didn't doubt there was a need, I just didn't understand to what extent these children's lives were truly being impacted. Yesterday, on the streets of Kampala, God opened my eyes. I am very thankful for God's work through Pastor Dongo. If you are a sponsor, for children at God Cares, or any other organization, I would like you to know that you are TRULY impacting these kids' lives. God is using you in mighty ways for His kingdom!!

Okay, so the end to my day. When we returned, after I fell out of our taxi into a ditch (I'm fine, but it was hilarious and totally embarrassing), I met with my friend Mary. Mary had been moving all day, and as I mentioned earlier, I had a housewarming gift I was super excited to deliver. I went to her new house...we prayed over the room and then we had a dance party! It was SOOO fun! I used my phone as a radio, turned on the Black Eyed Peas ("Boom, Boom, Pow" of course), and we DANCED. We thanked God, we laughed, we celebrated, and it was such a blessing!

So that was the a best day ever...in Uganda at least!!

I love yall!
Jenna

Bye Bye Baby Peace

Here in Uganda the semester is winding down and farewells have officially begun. Yesterday was the last  day of school for my Baby Peace kids. As you can imagine, I was a bit of a basket case, trying to hold back tears, unsuccessfully. Camp is for children, ages 8-13, so I won't see many of these children again before I leave, aside from next Friday when they come with parents for report cards.

I woke up early in the morning, and after getting on the computer, I decided to randomly flip open my bible to see what the Lord would speak to me on such a momentous day.

Psalm 95:1-2
Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.

And that's what we did. I can't explain it, but I feel the Holy Spirit was telling me the day's events before they ever happened. When I arrived at school we went directly to P.E., my very favorite time with the kids, and we played musical chairs. We sang, we danced, we clapped, and we watched the most precious children in all Uganda clumsily run for their positions in the baby sized, red, plastic chairs. After, we went to Assembly, which is usually held on Fridays, but was rescheduled so that Pastor Dongo can preach Friday morning.

If you ask me, God divinely assigned this change just for me, and here's why... Assembly is a time where all the children at the school gather and sing praise and worship to the Lord. My emotions whelmed as all the children sang "Hosanna", one of my favorite worship songs. In my heart, with only the Lord bearing witness to the importance of this day to me, I sang for joy to the Lord, the Rock of my salvation. I gave him thanks for the opportunity, the privilege, to serve for two months in my favorite home away from home. I thanked Him for entrusting me with His children, whom I have come to love dearly.

I am blessed. That's all I can say.

Please pray for the children as they return home for holiday. Pray for their safety, for God's favor to be upon them in their villages, and for their parents to welcome them back home with love, peace, and joy.

Love yall! Jenna

A Night Out!!!

A night out! A rarity for me. And a super special treat!

Last year at camp I befriended a man named Godfrey. Godfrey is intense, he definitely has a dramatic flare (which, of course, I LOVE!), and both of these qualities play out in His spiritual life. He loves Jesus very much, he wrestles through tough issues in his life, and he is determined to find JOY in the Lord, no matter what. Every Sunday we greet each other at church, and this past Sunday we made plans to have dinner and catch up.

I just assumed we would walk to one of the two restaurants I'm acquainted with on the main road in town, but Godfrey had something much better in mind. He picked me up from my hotel in a taxi and we went downtown!!!! I can't explain what a big deal this is for me. To give you a better idea, I have only travelled the area outside the road that leads to school like 3 times in almost two months...and I haven't been downtown since I arrived. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying, it was awesome to go out!! Also, we went out at night. For safety reasons I am never out at night because I often travel alone. Because I was escorted by a man, an African man nonetheless, I could enjoy the beauty that is Africa at dusk. Since I have never, and I mean NEVER, been out passed dark, my friends who work at the hotel called Pastor Dongo to make sure I was alright. Now that's service!!!

Okay, back to the story. Godfrey took me to Speke Hotel. It was very nice! We sat on the veranda, or whatever other fancy word I should use to mean a patio. Uganda is located on the equator, so everything is green, and gorgeous. We sat across the street from a well manicured golf course where I could look out and enjoy the view. Godfrey acted as my guide, showing me sites like the Sheraton Hotel, the first hotel ever in Uganda, and the Parliament building. He bought me dinner, pizza and soda, which was so delicious! After dinner we walked around the hotel. There was an area where several large groups of Ugandans where meeting, and he explained they were all separate families who were assigning tasks for weddings. Weddings are a HUGE deal in Uganda! Evidently, they have these meetings where each family member declares what he or she can contribute to the celebration. It was awesome to view firsthand, a part of such a culturally rich tradition.  

Then, we left the hotel and walked around the downtown area. Godfrey was pleasantly surprised that I was such a "strong women" who could "move around". I was pleasantly surprised that he noticed and proud to show him a different side to American women. Most Ugandans are used to seeing muzungo ride around in cars, and evidently some assume it is because we are frail. I wasn't offended in the least, on the contrary it was very amusing! When I told him I walked to and from school everyday he was shocked, and told me he just assumed Pastor Dongo picked me up and dropped me off.

As we walked around, there was a band playing in a nearby hotel. My dad and brother would have loved it!!! We went in the hotel, walked around, and found our way to the swimming pool! Godfrey asked if I liked swimming. I said yes, and he was determined to set a time to take me. I declined the invitation because it will be hard to fit it in before I leave, but I mention it to show you a very sweet part of the Ugandans I've known. Ugandans are determined to experience life. They have faith that God will make a way for them to see and do the impossible! So, when they hear I would like experience something, they do everything in their power to make it happen. I just think it's such a beautiful quality...tenacity! They are fighters! They don't survive life, they fight for it! They believe for it! And somehow, they are genuinely thankful through the process. I've have learned SO many lessons on life from my friends in Uganda. I'm truly blessed by them!!

Okay, so then he got a taxi and took me home. It was SOOOOO fun! I thanked God for the treat! And of course I thanked Godfrey as well!!

I love yall SO much! Thanks for pouring into my life and standing by me both in Uganda, and also life in the States. I pray the blessings you have given me are multiplied by our Father in your own lives. You're the best!!!

Jenna

Baby Peace Pictures!!!

Okay, the first two pictures are Esther! I'm only slightly obsessed with her cuteness!

The third picture has some of the boys in Baby Peace. From left: Jonah, Tindi, Sumuy, Ssenkezzi, and Aram. As you can see, boys will be boys, no matter what age or country!! I love it!!!!!!!

The fourth picture is Emma, the boy! What a cutie! He loves to cuddle!!

The fifth picture is Racheal. She is the one I asked you to pray for. She has calmed down a lot, so thanks!!

Okay, that's all for now. Love yall!!

My Boys

First of all, let's celebrate because I actually have a picture on here! It's a miracle!!!

Secondly, and most importantly, meet some of my boys! Lavlick (left) and Dennis (right) have a very special place in my heart.

When I first met Lavlick he was Mr. Funny Man. I couldn't tell what he was really about, but his humor captured my heart. Although, he tries to always play it cool around the other kids, somehow he always finds his way into my arms. I love him so much! He is funny, adventurous, and he intentionally stays behind the scenes...why, I'm not sure, because he is great.

As you can see, Dennis has the sweetest face ever! Okay, I say that a lot about these kids, but seriously! He is happy go lucky, he LOVES sports, and he always catches my eye when he does something good to give me a thumbs up!

Both of these boys make my heart smile and therefore, you NEED to know them.

Jesus, please bless these boys. Lord you know their hearts, you know their needs, and you know their desires. God, as you have placed people in my life to love and encourage me, I pray you would do the same for these boys. I pray they become great men of God, with a knowledge of your love that surpasses all understanding. Give them wisdom, peace, and JOY. Prepare Godly wives for them who can encourage them along Your path, so they can produce fruit for your Kingdom. Amen.

Pray for my boys, please.

Love yall,

Jenna

Mark 10:16

I've been reading the bible a lot lately. You could say this is an excellent byproduct of boredom in the evening when I'm all alone in my room. You could also say it's the Holy Spirit working in my heart...when I'm REALLY bored!! Either way, or both ways, I was reading in Mark the other night and the Holy Spirit pointed out Mark 10:16 to me. It says:

New International Version (©1984)
And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

At first I read through this verse, thinking nothing of it. After all, everyone knows Jesus loves children, right? But what caught my eye was the part where He took them in His arms. As His children, Jesus teaches us, He counsels us, He heals us, He gives us strength, and in that moment I saw a Jesus who embraces us. An embrace assumes acceptance and love that is SO tender. For me, the love of the Father has been just that, fatherly. Strong, wise, all-knowing, ever present, protective, a strong tower. In this scripture my heart delights in Jesus' display of a mother's love. An embrace. A nurturer, gentle, kind, soft, and adoring. 

As I've been in Africa, I've wondered how God is using me. I help children color in the morning, mark papers in the afternoon, and play a lot in between. It seems somewhat unproductive to me, through my human lens. But when I read this scripture, the Holy Spirit confirmed a suspicion I've had since coming last year. God is using my arms, my hands, and my desire to bless these children, to convey His love that came so naturally when He dwelled on earth among us. In our free time at the school, I hardly ever go without a child wrapped in my arms, head on my chest. I am constantly touching their faces, smiling, cooing, and just adoring them.

I'm in no way trying to give myself props...it really has nothing to do with me. It's how I've been created by my Father, to display His tender side, through what we associate with a mother's love. I am a momma, regardless of my single status and lack of activity in my own womb. I have babies in the United States, whom friends let me 'borrow', and I have babies in Africa, whom the Lord has allowed me to love.

So folks, this is my ministry. So simple, yet I'm so proud to be a part of it. I have the honor of displaying God's tenderness to these babies. Isn't it beautiful how God made man and woman? A man to display God's strength, and a woman to display God's tender love. Both are God. Both are magnificent. I'm so happy.

Love yall!

Jenna

Keith and Theresa

Keith and Theresa are a couple from California who arrived two weeks ago to adopt Ivan Ssemsu (I'm sure I butchered his African name but sound it out!). They have been through an emotional roller coaster these past few weeks as they have finished out the adoption process on this side of the world! Although I have prayed for their family through this time, I have selfishly enjoyed every extra day they have stayed!! They have been awesome companions for me, trekking out each night to visit one of the two restaurants we eat at for dinner. I will miss them greatly, but I am very happy for all God has provided and will continue to provide as they return to the States. Please say a prayer for their family for safety as they start home this evening, for ease as they take Ivan through Customs at the airport, and for joy and peace as they welcome Ivan into their home as a son. I'm confident they will be amazing parents for Ivan as I have already seen the character of Christ shine through their lives as they've interacted with Ivan's family, all the kids and faculty at school, and of course, with me!!

So, this past Friday I was escorted through the cities of Kampala on a school bus (van) with Uncle Samuel and Uncle Claud as my guides. It was such a treat to see parts of the city I cannot travel alone. I was also able to see where many of 'my' babies live. We have children who come from the "posh, posh" neighborhoods, and we also have children who reside in local slums. As we dropped off each child, my heart was burdened for their safety. In early years child sacrifice by witch doctors was all too common. Although much less frequent, children are still at risk, which was made very apparent to me as we dropped off each child and they were told to run quickly to their home. Some we were able to drop directly into the arms of parents or maids...others we dropped off at their street and watched as they made their way down crooked roads.

As I sat in the front seat of the van, holding one of the smaller children in my lap as she slept, I was struck with an overwhelming sense of God's protection in my own life. I confess that I have felt very sorry for myself in past years because I am not married, and therefore not protected by a husband. In that moment on the van it occurred to me that I have the God of all creation who sees my every move, and by experience I can assure you, He does go before me and behind me, as the Psalms proclaim. I am so blessed to be a child of the Lord, for many reasons, and as a single woman, I am especially thankful for His provision and protection in my life!

Thank you Jesus for protecting all your children, as if they were your only child. Jesus help us trust that when something bad happens to our loved ones, and most especially our babies, that we can't understand, You are still the God of all creation, watching over us.

PS-My intention with this blog is not to scare you or make you believe Uganda is an awful place for children. Actually, in many ways it seems a lot safer. Most children have the freedom to travel the streets these days in a way I would never let my child in America travel. But, it is still a fallen, and therefore sin-filled place, with dangers just like any other country in this world.

Nkwagala kno!
(I love you VERY MUCH!)

Jenna

Sweet Mary

As some of you know, I have been very eager to meet with the single women of the church I attend. As a single women, I believe God knows we need special encouragement, and I so wanted to be His representative to spur on hope among His girls this year. I am VERY happy to report I was able to meet with one such woman this past Sunday.

Her name is Mary, she is studying law, she has such an amazing heart for the Lord, and I am very proud to call her my friend. The first Sunday I arrived at church, I met Mary in passing while visiting with Pastor Dongo in his office. I knew right from the start there was something different about Mary. Although quiet, she was not shy to be honest about her life, her struggles, and even to ask me how I have patience to wait upon the Lord for a husband. Everyone is Uganda, or at least everyone I've met, has such a hospitable, inviting spirit, but not anyone had greeted me with such authenticity. I knew in my spirit that I needed to know this girl! So, I asked for prayers from yall for an opportunity to meet with her outside the church atmosphere. I invited her to lunch and was amazed by God's provision!

Upon visiting I found out that Mary had been praying with Pastor Dongo for a friend that she could share her heart with for quite sometime. She is very particular about her friends, desiring relationships that draw her closer to the Lord and encourage her walk with Him, and therefore she has few. I am honored that the Lord saw fit to take me across the world to be such a friend for Mary. And only in His divine wisdom would He know how desperately I would need a friend of my very own in Uganda who could hear my heart and listen unbiased as I shared my feelings and thoughts about my experiences.

Out of desperation for love, Mary has been gifted with a wisdom about relationships that many lack. She is able to see past my 'muzungo' status, which always signifies wealth, to instead appreciate the nearness and comfort of a kindred spirit in Christ. During our time on Sunday, she took me to her home, where she cried tears of joy as I was the very first visitor, EVER, she brought to see her place. Funny enough, it reminded me a lot of my humble little home I lived in by myself. It was simple, as my garage apartment was, but it was her home and she was proud to have a visitor. After praying together and giving thanks to the Lord, we went to have lunch at my favorite restaurant, La Bistro. Yes, it's a French Bistro in Uganda, and I love their pizza!!  Over the course of lunch we were able to share struggles and encourage one another. It always amazes me when I am able to find people who I can connect with at a heart level, and this meeting was especially unique as we are strangers from two different continents!

After lunch I took her back to my 'home', the hotel room, and we continued to talk and laugh. Funny story! Mary was seated at a restaurant in town looking over the menu when she heard an American request a 'hotdog'. She was horrified, assuming the person was about to enjoy a local dog for lunch, and abruptly left the restaurant convinced that some of the dog might get mixed in with her meal. After telling me the story, she asked, 'Jenna, do people in America really eat dogs?' I couldn't stop laughing, and even now as I write, I'm laughing!!!

So, that's the story of sweet Mary! Please pray for her as she faces daunting circumstances, as do most Ugandans, everyday. I am amazed at her perspective on life...as she would say, 'without excuses'. She has depended on the Lord, and with His blessing, she will graduate from law school in November!!

Meet Baby Peace

Baby Peace is the kindergarten class I assist with in the mornings. Within the four walls of this classroom sit Uganda's most precious babies ever...not that I'm partial or anything!

Teachers: Justine and Barbara

Justine, who I have mentioned several times, is absolutely my angel sent from the Lord. She is compassionate toward me, tender hearted toward the children, with just enough spice to keep me laughing!

Barbara is also a sweetheart and reminds me of Maria in The Sound of Music...she is always singing to the children with the most beautiful voice. And always songs of God's character...His love, faithfulness, goodness.

Meet the kids!
Lennon
Jonah
Enock, loves to call me over to his table to show my pretty much anything...he just wants my attention which I gladly poor out!
Faisal
Elisha
Noad
Abdi
Haman
Kenneth
Matthew
Emma, is a boy....Short for Emmanuel!
Sumuy, is a little pistol! He's always threatening to twist one of the kids ears off, but underneath his threats lie the sweetest eyes. He comes across BOLD, but underneath God has given him a meek and perceptive spirit.
Isaac
Edrine
Tindi, has the cutest smile...when he smiles you can't help but want to give him a big hug!
Innocent
Josephine
Christine
Esther, is my baby girl!!!! She always has a snot rag tied to her uniform because her nose constantly runs! It's so gross and endearing!! She has a way of looking up at me that melts my heart and I have a hard time not holding her ALL the time!
Fortunate, looks like tweety bird! And I mean this is the nicest way. She is beautiful...her features all come to a cute point in the center of her face...I can't explain well, but I'll try to get a picture.
Samantha
Nene
Pach
Mercy
Rhinah
Rachael, is a hard one for me. I love her and try to affirm her through hugs and kind words, but she is very guarded and often seeks my attention by causing problems or hitting me. Please pray for Rachael...I wish I had my Play Therapy certification already so I could know how to get through to her. Pray the Lord gives me wisdom.
Phoebe

There's so many! And I am still learning all their precious personalities! Now you can pray for them by name! I will try to include funny stories as they come because we all know this age produces great material!!!

I love you all!

Hi Everyone!

Sorry I haven't written in a while! The electricity has been very unstable this past week and it's been impossible to get on the internet! I've been sick this week as well, but Pastor Dongo took me to the doctor yesterday and I am doing much better. I developed a bad cough and couldn't breath. The doctor said I had a virus due to pollution and dust, etc, that my body is not used to. I got plenty of medicine and I am feeling much better. Cool thing though...so last night, I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep and the owner of the field directly behind my room at the hotel started burning waste, crops, or whatever else you burn. I'm used to this as he does it a couple of times a week. All the sudden the Holy Spirit reminded me that as a child I was very allergic to smoke and often had asthma attacks. It's something I never experience in the States because I'm not exposed to large amounts of smoke. So, I asked to move rooms, which should happen soon, and I am confident I will no longer be struggling with this whole sickness thing! I have missed a couple days of school and can't wait to get back to see the kids!

Please pray for the teachers and students of God Cares Primary School because many of them are also suffereing from illness due to the environment. Specifically, please pray God heals Teacher Justine and her children!

I love yall! Thanks as always for the prayers! God uses each of you to encourage me and remind me of His grace everyday!

Jenna

Happy 4th of July!!

Happy, Happy 4th everybody! Hope everyone has fun celebrating!!! Thank you Jesus for our independence!

Well, it's been a week since I last posted. I have arrived safely in Uganda and everything is going well. The trip over was very smooth, thank God, as I was nervous to navigate international airports all alone. God placed several individuals along the way to help me get where I was going, and I layed my head to sleep around midnight on last Wednesday. Funny story...What is the one item you should always take with you on a mission trip? Maybe a bible???? Yeah, I forgot mine. Thankfully the airport in Atlanta had a bookstore. Also, what's the rule about drinking foreign water? Don't do it! Too late. The first night I brushed my teeth with Ugandan water...upon realizing what I had done I started  spitting profusely and had to throw my toothbrush away. No worries, I had a back up. And I didn't get sick! Thanks again to God.

Everyday I wake up around 6:30pm when I start my sunscreen/bugspray marathon. I where bugspray in the morning, and in the afternoon, early in the evening, and underneath the moon, oh! My skin is breaking out because I constantly have to apply so many chemicals, but it's all in all, it's great! After I get ready I head to breakfast where I eat an omlet and two pieces of toast. Then I head to school.

Upon arrival I am greeted by Justine! I love Justine as I spend all morning in her kindergarten class helping her prepare for the students. Kindergarten in Uganda starts as early as 2.5 years...needless to say, these kids are precious! They all have names like Mercy and Grace...it's hard to keep them straight!! The kindergarteners leave around 12pm, after which I eat lunch with staff and the older kids. This is always a challenge...I kind of feel like I'm in 6th grade again looking for somone to sit with...might sound stupid, but this is a very humbling exercise.

I am learning to keep my eyes on the Lord at all times because if I look down even for a second I will sink in fear...fear of man, fear for my safety, just plain fear.

After lunch I help the teachers of older students grade papers. They are strict here in Uganda! It is good because the students are held to a very high standard. They work VERY hard, as all Ugandans do. In the afternoon, after school lets out I play with the children until around 5pm and then go home to have dinner, read, and go to sleep.

So this is a day in the life of this missionary. Exciting right?!!! I am so blessed by all of you. Thanks for your emails, your Facebook posts, your prayers, and your love!!

More later...I have to go to school!!!!!!!!!

Jenna

Uganda, You Pearl, You Pretty Jewel, You

So today is the big day. The plane will take off from DFW, connect in Atlanta (not Detroit as I told many of you), onto Amsterdam, with a final touch down in Uganda, the "Pearl of Africa." I should arrive at 0'773245 hours (my amazing attempt at military time), also known as 10pm.

The saying "it takes a village to raise child" has seemed very applicable to my own life as I've, or we've rather, prepared for this two month long journey. My intentions didn't set out that way though. Early on I was convinced I could go it alone. I can remember sitting in my backyard many months ago with a dear friend, daydreaming of a day I would return to Africa, and trying desperately to figure out a way to make it happen. Maybe I would sell my car. Maybe I would get a second job. There had to be a way I could earn my way back into Uganda. As time went on, my desperation dwindled along with my hope, and Africa officially became a "back burner" item. After all, it didn't seem likely I would be able to earn enough money to make it to Africa, while keeping things in America under wraps, and there was that whole grad school idea. So I let it go.

And that's when God revived a dream I had decided was improbable, if not impossible. I believe with all my heart that God intended Africa for me all along. So why did my dream have to die to truly take root? I can see in hindsight God was setting the stage to pour out His love with extreme lavishness.
And also I believe He was giving me a precious lesson on His character and intentions toward us, His children.

What I'm about to say is counter cultural in America, but I believe it's very "PC" in God's kingdom, so bear with me. :) God used my failure to earn my way, as a means to provide a gift given by grace. That is the gospel, right? God provided us with a gift, the death and resurrection of Jesus, to provide for what we cannot earn, His favor. As I've recognized this, I can't help but wonder how many gifts I've refused to receive because I was too proud to accept a handout from Him.

Last year in Uganda I was struck by the level of dependency I saw all around me. Honestly, it made me a little mad. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, right? Wrong. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest the bootstrap analogy is not synonymous with God's heart for His children. What I'm learning is that God desires our dependency because it makes room for His work, His glory, and His desire to provide for us. I'm not suggesting we all quit our jobs and wait for a handout. Quite the opposite actually. With great gifts come great responsibility, and when we recognize the gifts God has given us I believe it will be our natural inclination to work hard to excel in the areas God has blessed. In my mind it goes back to realizing that God pursues constantly, our only job is to respond to the ways in which He is calling our heart. 

I would like to proclaim with all my heart my gratitude for my failed plans. I didn't earn this opportunity, it was given to me. Through my inability to provide for myself, I was humbled to a place of dependency on Jesus, and also a dependency on you. God has used each of you to confirm, prepare, and make a way for this mission trip. Had I done it by myself I would have missed out on the encouragement, provision, and most importantly, the love God knew I needed in order to see Africa once again. God is faithful, He is trustworthy, and He always has our best interest at heart, even when it hurts. I think I have a new goal in life. Pure dependency.

Love yall! Thanks for everything! 

PS- I got into grad school!!!!!!!!!

The 411

So here's the deal, here's the real scoop.

I am nothing, He is everything. He pursues and I respond (1John 4:10).
I am going to Africa for a couple of months this year because of these two statements.

Because He is the Giver of every good and perfect gift (James 1:17).
Last year He allowed me to go to Africa, one of the sweetest gifts of my life. And I came home. And I was lost. And He pursued me even when I was pouting and pissed and miserable, He still wanted me.

There is nothing sweeter than the love of our Lord. There is nothing more faithful(Psalm 136).
It took me a whole year of crying and frustration and giving up on God to realize that He's not kidding when He promises He will never leave us nor forsake us (Luke 15:11-32). And so I can look back and see that this past year of wondering in the wilderness has too been a perfect gift of God, not an easy gift to accept, but perfect and good nonetheless. This past year has produced fruit, fruit more important dare I say, than even a trip to Africa, and I would like you to know about it because it's hopeful, and it's changing my life.

I've spent my whole life trying to initiate, maintain, and sustain a relationship with God.  I believed for sometime that my abilities were directly proportional to the amount of love and grace I received from the Lord. Did I say this out loud? No. Did I live it out loud? Everyday. I was plagued with doubt and fear on a daily basis. Did I believe in Jesus enough to be saved? What was wrong with me that my life wasn't working out like I hoped? Where should I go next? What should I do next? Will God stop providing for me if I stop obsessively working? My relationship with God was stunted by a constant compulsion to work for His love. Being a slave to earning someones love made me really angry. I constantly felt anxiety that I wasn't doing enough and that God was withholding blessings because He was waiting on me to "get it right".

I expressed my disdain for God on a frequent basis to my roommates, Lore and Season. Lore, having walked through her own wilderness with God, suggested that I let go of all my compulsions, even the Godly ones like reading my bible, and tithing, and praying, so that God could show me His faithfulness to love independent of my faithfulness to do. I am not saying that praying, and tithing, and reading the bible are bad things. They are God given ways to increase faith and trust. But when you turn reading, and tithing, and praying into working for God's love, it is absolutely toxic to a relationship with God and it steals the joy of knowing Jesus. So, I let go. I stopped going to church. I stopped tithing. I stopped reading the bible. I stopped trying to hear God. I stopped doing. God didn't leave me, He didn't forsake me. Instead He pursued me in subtle and peaceful moments, and all my letting go resulted in seeing Jesus as a Savior who paid IT ALL on the cross.

He is the center and the focus in all creation. He is the answer to every one of my questions. He is the reason I can sleep at night. He is the reason I do not have to fear failure. He is the reason I do not have to fear anything. When He died for our sins He paid for us in full. There is nothing I have to do in addition to His sacrifice. This truth, the gospel, frees me to breath and to rest. Selah! The pressure is off me. I gladly live out a passive faith, where I am freed by the blood of Christ to respond to His pursuit of my heart and worship a Savior who has died so that I can live a spiritual life of luxury, without working one bit. I am confident in my position in the Kingdom because it has nothing to do with my abilities. I am spoiled rotten and loving every minute of it. And I believe with all my heart that God loves it, that God intended it, and that God sent His only Son to die for me so that I could know it. In response to His great love I am praying, tithing, bible reading, listening, and loving. Is it perfect? Nope. Do I have moments when I forget what Jesus did and start to work again? Yep. But He always reminds me that it's not required anymore.

And so, now you know "behind the scenes". I am going to Africa! Yesssss!!! More importantly, I am going to Africa with a deeper understanding of just why it's so important for all the precious children of Uganda to know Jesus. Because He wants this freedom I've experienced for everyone. Even you!

Thanks for all your prayers and support.

Love you guys. I'll be in touch soon!